She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
