How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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