Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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