I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
