Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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