haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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