where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
