Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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