he puts the penis in happiness.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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