You work out of a Hotel?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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