I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize