he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
