You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
