this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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