Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
