census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
