4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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