Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
