new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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