Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
