Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
