I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just gift wrapped bread.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
