Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
