I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
