You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
