Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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