Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
