The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
