did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
