tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
