Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
