Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
