11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there's paper in my vomit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize