College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
