so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
