so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
