Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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