All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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