Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize