True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
