He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
