a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
