So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
