my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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