I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
