she woke up with a sticky ear
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
