I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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