well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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