I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
