shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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