Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
