I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She is in my trunk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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