The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
