things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
