hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
