Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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