can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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