Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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