Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
