this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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