He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
