I was born with a shot glass in my hand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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