Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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