Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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