Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
