you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
