My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize