it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
