You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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