I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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