I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
