Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
