But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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