it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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