I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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