We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
