Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
