I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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