remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
