i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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