You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
